By John Fletcher
Helping teenagers balance academics, relationships, responsibility, and well-being as they prepare for college and beyond.
Change the Atmosphere at Home
First and foremost is the atmosphere at home. Instead of focusing primarily on grades or pushing teenagers toward particular colleges, parents can emphasize the joy of learning, effort, and doing their best.
This does not mean parents should ignore poor grades. If a teenager is genuinely doing their best and still struggling, additional support such as tutoring may be appropriate. But when teenagers are freed from unreasonable expectations about grades, they have more opportunity to engage with learning rather than experiencing school primarily as a source of pressure.
Make Academics About the Teen—not the Parent
A teenager’s academic performance should not become about the parent. When a teen isn’t putting forth appropriate effort—such as completing homework, finishing projects on time, or studying for exams—parents can provide more structure and create a better learning environment at home.
The goal is to provide accountability without making grades a measure of either the teenager’s worth or the parent’s success.
Connect Today’s Effort to Their Future Goals
Parents can also make conversations about the future enjoyable. Ask teenagers what they dream about doing, what careers interest them, and what kind of life they envision for themselves.
Rather than using those dreams as another source of pressure, parents can help teens consider a simple question: Does the effort you’re putting forth today reflect the goals you’ve set for yourself?
As high school becomes increasingly demanding, teenagers often need support learning how to balance greater responsibility with recreation and entertainment.
Help Teens Move Toward Competency
An important part of adolescence is gradually shifting from having “fun” or “play” as the primary focus toward developing competence and responsibility.
When entertainment continues to take priority as academic and life demands increase, teenagers may struggle to manage their responsibilities. Parents can help by encouraging independence, competence, and the satisfaction that comes from accomplishing increasingly difficult things.
Keep College in Perspective
Perhaps one of the most important messages parents can give teenagers is that the university they ultimately attend does not determine the course of their lives.
Excessive pressure surrounding college admissions can lead teenagers to make unhealthy choices and lose perspective about what these years are supposed to accomplish. The larger goal is not simply admission to a particular university.
We want teenagers to do their best academically, nurture meaningful friendships, make good decisions, develop competence and responsibility, and take care of their physical, mental, and spiritual health.
The Bigger Goal
Preparing teenagers for college should be about much more than creating the strongest possible application.
The goal is to help them become capable young adults who work hard, develop meaningful relationships, make thoughtful decisions, and learn how to care for themselves while still having the opportunity to enjoy their high school years.
Their future matters. But so does the life they are living right now.